Christmas Hits Russia--Casualties Ensue.

Well, apparently Russia has struck my English as well, because I can't remember if it's "insue" or "ensue." Cut me some slack, people. At least I'm speakin' yer language.
Christmas has indeed struck, laying low thousands in its path. Oh, the things that have come to pass...
Vnuchka.
Well. Rotary, as usual, wrapped up this Rotary-meeting season with a New Year's Party (meetings will resume after the holidays.) The New Year's Party was MC-ed by your friend and ours, the Australian exchange student, dressed up as Dyet Maroz (grandfather frost.) What ensued was a lesson in translation.
Many people, on encountering similar holiday traditions, will assume that they are the same tradition with different names. They do the same thing with verbs. DO NOT DO THIS. Our Australian did this, and soon you will see the consequences. Dyet Maroz is NOT Santa Claus. They are exceedingly similar. They wear funny red clothes. THey have long white beards. They kareen around in sleds giving out presents. But they are not one and the same. And here, dear friends, is the all-important difference--Dyet Maroz's female counterpart is Sneguruchka. Santa Claus' female counterpart is Mrs. Santa Claus. Which means Sneguruchka is Mrs. Dyet Maroz, right? WRONG.
Back to our story. Eddie, The Australian MC-ed the New Years party dressed up as Dyet Maroz. He did so very willing, as Sneguruchka was played by the extremely attractive newest Rotary member, Sveta. Sveta is very young for a Rotarian. I will not say she is very beautiful for a Rotarian, but she is very beautiful. So Eddie with great satisfaction informed all (in Russian and in English, so that no one would be left in the dark) that he was married to a Rotarian, and a hot young Rotarian to boot.
All of the Russians laughed and said, "No, Eddie, no, Sneguruchka isn't Dyet Maroz's wife, she's his vnuchka." Vnuchka? we all pondered this new word. Eddie did not entirely understand, but did not ask. Mathieu (the Canadian) and I asked--"What's a vnuchka?"
All the way through the New Year's party, Eddie continued to refer to her as his wife (with great pride). Afterwards, when the festivities were over and the exchange students were being gang-pressed into carrying away the sound equipment, Mathieu and I pulled Eddie aside. "Eddie," we said. "She's not your wife."
"Yes she is," replied Eddie. "She's my vnuchka."
"Eddie. 'Vnuchka' means granddaughter." Awkward silence. Eddie mulled this over a little.
"Vnuchka means granddaughter?" he repeated. We nodded.
"And Eddie--she's a little old for you, isn't she?" we suggested (gently, I assure you.)
"Well," Eddie thought this one over. "Yeah. But...I look older with the beard on, don't I?" (He had been given a fake white beard as well.) We did not respond to this question. "And anyway, she's hot. And, she's a Rotarian."
Christmas Cards Are Sent--Let the Culture Clash Begin...
So, I've been helping my ex-host parents (who are extra cuddly and therefore still friends) to write Christmas Cards to their American friends. (That particular host family speaks limited English, so I am the oh-fficial translator.) So the first few Christmas cards were upon these very Russian lines--wishes of the fulfillment of the receiver's wildest dreams, happiness, wealth, etc. I dunno--we just don't say that in our Christmas cards. So I teetered between how to translate this and that, and finally got to my favorite Christmas card, sent to a former exchange student of theirs--the one that wished her "bolshoya i svetlaya lyubov!" (literally, a large and bright love.) This is one of those things that, even with a flying leap, cannot jump the cultural barrier. So, I gingerly wrote out that we wished her a great and beautiful love (my host father specified three exclamation points after this one) and translated the Russian jokes as best as possible. I figure all will come out well, because for heaven's sakes, the girl's lived in Russia, so she gets it.
What followed was one of the funnier conversations between my host parents. They were thinking over what to write, and decided to wish MY parents (American parents) that their children (myself and Angela) would bring them great joy.
"As much joy as they've brought us," added Larissa happily. She likes me.
"No," Valeriy shook his head. "Too sappy." I deleted it and waited.
"Um..." Larissa thought. "We wish them...that their children would bring them joy, and...hm..."
"Grandchildren!" decided Valeriy. (This was where I learned the word "vnuchka," by the way.) I typed in "grandchildren." "Many grandchildren," nodded Valeriy.
"No, Valera, it's much too early for that," contradicted Larissa, shaking her head. "You're going to spook them." I deleted "grandchildren."
I personally like the Russian wishes of Christmastide--it covers everything from money to progeny. How great is that? Plus, people give you chocolate if they want to give you a present but don't know you terribly well. Mathieu and I, being foreigners, know HUGE amounts of people (but not terribly well.) We were swamped with chocolate. This is not such a terrible problem.
Christmas has been a flurry of bright and sparkliness. I know the words in Russian for both. The "sparkliness" one is actually a favorite--blestyashishchee. Tasty.

Computer Games, and Strange Vocabulary
A lesson in vocabulary expansion. Playing computer games (all in Russian, have no fear) with Mathieu, we have learned all the words for centaur, monster, sea beast, helmet, sword, shield, breastplate, trap, puzzle, path, inventory, save, load, attack, weapon, armor, item, gloves, boots...the list goes on. Very odd, generally useless words. There is also the supreme irony of the game, Syberia. Syberia has been all translated into Russian and everything, but it's about (and I quote, translated...) "A journey into that secret and mysterious land, of endless snow, puzzles, and mammoths." Mammoths. My host mom bought me that one for Christmas, and got a good chuckle out of it. Plus, there's just the weirdness of hearing people talking about not being able to speak Russian...but they're in Russia...speaking Russian...WEIRD. I love it.
The City is Transformed.
That wasn't even a funny heading, but too bad. It's true. There are maybe twenty or thirty gigantic (10 ft) snow sculptures all over the city. EVERYWHERE. There are pigs (it's the year of the pig this new year) and Sneguruchkas, and Dyet Maroz, and a pirate ship, and a shark, and some dolphins. Nice.
Also, the children are more heavily swaddled than usual. Russian children tend towards swaddling, but it's really gotten pretty absurd. The other day, I saw one child, presumably (but not visibly) in full winter gear. I say not visibly, because the poor thing was entirely wrapped in a heavy rug, thus immobilized, and then strapped onto a sled. I didn't realize it was a child (no face visible) until a single eye snapped towards me as I walked by. Scared the living daylights out of me.
Also, Russians don't understand why it's funny that they're dressing up as pigs at New Years. I dunno. Maybe it's just funny for Americans.

Randomness...
1.) (In Economics class). Teacher: "Now. Who can give us an example of leadership?"
Student: "Putin! Putin!" (Gales of laughter.)

2.) Host sister calls home from Japan: "Oy, Mama, I miss New Years in Russia. I miss the presents...the mandarins...the Christmas tree--I miss Putin!" (The President gives a celebratory speech every New Years.) Don't we all miss Putin. Don't we all.

3.) The word for "shoelaces" in Russian is "shnurki." Only in Russia would shoelaces sound like an ancient dwarven chieftain.